Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
