Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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