I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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