I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
