Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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