There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
