i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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