He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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