When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
