omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
