The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
