I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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