38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
