SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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