too bad you live with your parents still
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
