Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
