Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you're hired as official boob wrangler
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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