Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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