How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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