He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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