He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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