Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
