There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
