Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
