I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
