i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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