If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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