My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
