Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
