he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
