her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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