grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
