I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
