Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
