Umm I'm too high to move.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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