Life is so much better after having sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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