Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
