i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
