it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
