I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
