The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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