She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
