u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ok first of all what the fuck
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
