I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i now understand why vodka
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
