WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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