Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
