We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
