she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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