I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
