and she was petting her beer can
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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